My off-spring, William is growing more obnoxious!! Today,..when I came home from school, he stuck his tongue out and me and there was a "tongue ring" in his tongue!! You should have heard me holler!!
I was so shocked that I had to sit down! When he dyed his hair green with that spray on paint stuff, I took it with good grace. When he told me that he was unsure of his sexual preference,..I took it with all the "liberal" good grace that I could!!
(Maybe, I should not have asked him if Shawn was to be my new "daughter-in-law!" Bill has better taste than Shawn for a mate!! I hope!!)
I even forgave him that hi-jinx when he told me that asking me what I thought if he was unsure of his sexual prefernce was just part of his "sociology Class Experiment!!"
(I was on my knees thanking God for the fact that that "hi-jinx" was just a sociology experiment like the hard cider is "supposed to be his Chemistry experiment!!")
A tongue ring was just too much!!
Our neighbor lady, Mrs. Owens, alias "Mrs. Bimblewort," came over and stood in open mouthed amazement as he showed her his new tongue ring!! She threw up her hands and cried unto the Lord for all the wickedness that the"un-holy Hensel Family" brought into her santified presence!! She, then, turned on me in her "justified rage" as she put it and told me that she should have reported my family and myself to Stark county Family Services years ago so that our innocent child, weighing in at 250 pounds and standing six feet, three inches, would not have come to this wickedness of wearing a tongue ring!!
Bill started to howl with laughter at her!! He was laughing so hard that he made a choking noise and his face turned purple!! Mrs. Owens was alarmed! I was aghast! Why was my big, fat oversized son turning purple and gasping for breath?
What was he choking on? After a moment he stopped making the choking sounds and merely gasped for breath! It seemed that the tongue ring had been a clip-on EAR-RING that he had fastened to his tongue to torment me!!
When the "Bimblewortish" Mrs Owens had come and "condemned" my "Wicked Life" and poor child-raising techniques, he had started to laugh, dislodged the ring from his tongue and swallowed it!! when he moaned and cried about what was going to happen to him if he "didn't get that damned ring out of his stomach," I just laughed and said quite meanly, I suppose, "Bill,...this too shall pass!"
(Heheheheheh!)
But I will keep an eye on him just in case!! Sharp edges can damage the intestines!!