Ok! Here we go again! I am going to be good!!
(Sure,..right!) But what is good? What is bad? There has just got to be more to life than just this,..but what?

I have to go eat lunch now,..then,..more thoughts about all ofthis stuff!!

So much for trying to make up with the folks on the scifi bboard!
Whee!
I try to set the stage for a new story, I find myself told that it is not 'WHAT I WAS ACCUSED OF," nor what anyone did not say in my defense as I was accused wrongly, but my own "sour attitude" that has caused all of the trouble!!!! As I have said,..my head is spinning!!
I was accused of doing something that I did not do! Several people write nasty letters...to the mailbox of the person, who accused me of the thing that I didn't do and tell me that I did "what I didn't do beacuse I have a sour attitude", and forty-four posts are made about the subject!!
I refuse to join them in a "re-unification project," because I see an interesting storyline in the whole situation, and then,...(tah--dah!)....no one has done anything "wrong,..again."..it has to be my "sour attitude!" Where the hell is the sour attitude supposed to have come from? And even more interesting,..the sour attitude story is supposed to be the "item" that was supposed to have caused me to do the "what-it-was-that-I-didn't-do-in-the-first-place!" I am accused and I am allowed to be accused "because I have a sour attitude." I refuse to just jump back into the scheme of things,..and again,...."I have a sour attitiude!!" Am I the only person in this whole thing who is beginning to see a pattern here?
I smell a catch 22 going on here. No matter what I do..."the sour attitude story"...will cover it all!! Does someone have warts? It must be my sour attitude!! Did someone's dog get hit by a car..it HAS to be "my sour attitude!!" Did a child in Korea fall down a well? It has to be my "sour attitude!!" This new and popular excuse for "whatever" will cover anything!!
Sheeeeeesh!

I have decided not to discontinue this blog!! I put too much time and effort into it!! So what if i have a cyberstalker or two, who loves to come and expose what i write here to the world...I guess it is the cyberstalker's way of getting a Freebee!! if he or she had to buy one of my books or articles toread ...it would cost them good money!! If I am looking at it that way,..at least,...I am helping someone to save some money!!
It seems strange to thing that yesterday,..I met a woman that a TV show is based on!! I met THE Sue Thomas that the F.B. Eye PAX television show is based on!! Wow! And yes,..I was very impressed with her. She had very many relevant things to say and the interpreter was excellent!! What more could a person ask? Well, as far as I am concerned,..I could have asked for much more!! Sue Thomas accepted one of the WALKING FREE books and that sort of made me feel pretty good about her and everything thing else.
Then,..I went home and watched TV and wondered again just why this country is at war with Iraq? At first it seemed like all of the Iraqis were giving up!! Now, thay have started shooting at Americans again!!
Hmmmmm!
Was the rumour that Bush was going to starting training our American soldiers to stand in a row and go, "Qiack! Quack!! Quack!!" while the iraqi soldiers shoot our soldiers,..was that rumour,..a true one?

The time has come for ending this blog, and moving onto another one. It has accomplished it's purpose! But I must say for those who have "shared" its' existence with me,...Bill is not a happy person. He, now, has no money,...no car,...no college tuition payments,..no internet, no cable TV,..and basically no social life. He has to pay his own bills. I, now,..have access to all of his e-mail. His "date book," and several little items,..which could prove quite embaressing to certain people! Life is strange!!

...........Stanelle

I confronted Bill about all of the "strange posting," that has gone on in my name. Only one person knows what computer I am using and when. Only one person "writes the same way" that I write and knows all my passwords and how to get into my accounts. He just laughed it off and said that he figured that I would catch up with him sooner or later and now it was sooner.
HE JUST LAUGHED.
I'm stunned.

..Now what is going on with that kid? He came back from Shawn's house with the most supremely satisfied look on his face that I have ever seen on a person's face in my entire life. Mr. William seems like the cat that has swallowed the canary! That boy hasn't been so "happy" in weeks! I just hope that he has finally decided to settle down and try to put all of his talents to work.
..I talked to his English Comp. prof yesterday and she says that he is a very talented writer. If he is a talented writer, then his dad and I will make every effort for him to be able to put his talents to work! I guess things couldn't be better today!!
..Silliness reigns as usual in other parts of my life!! I got two rejection slips back from the pet magazine yesterday. Heh! That is to be expected!! I guess writing up a story on demand is what pays the bills..so that is how I will write up this particular assignment!! The man wants the story from the"cat's" point of view and not from my point of view!! The only thing to do is to sit down and try to write up the "cat stories" from the cat's point of view if I want to get paid!!! I have tried every other point of view and keep getting encouragement about how I write and what I write, but this particular editor keeps telling me that he wants this particular assignment written as he would have it written and not the way that I see it!! I shall spend the day in close communion with Baxter, our pet tom, and see if I can see life from his point of view!!
..There is about as much chance of me seeing life from Baxter's point of view as there is of me seeing life from Bill's point of view. Nothing has made William very happy now for almost a month. He has really been pissed off since the last newspaper article and keeps asking why he can't do the publicity for the company. Yeah,..right!
..Without getting 'nasty' with him,...I keep telling him that I don't handle that part of the company's business. I just look for people, who could contribute to the company, and stories, that could contribute, and put out a thing or two that might make us all a little more ahead than we were before. That kid has really been sour about something, but this morning, things seem to have improved. I'm glad. Bill and Shawn are bound that they are going to the library again tonight! I expect that they have to keep up with their assignments, but I don't understand why they can't do those assignments over at Stark State? As I don't need another fight,..I'm not going to argue with them. Things seem to be looking up!
..I got the one phone call that I was dreading last night. Rosezelle's aunt died yesterday. At least,..it was expected. I'll bet the angels are rejoycing now! Aunt Mary is up there in heaven, showing them all how to make fritters and biscuits with her White Lily flour!! She was one wonderful lady,..I only met her once,..and I'll miss her. She was a wonderful person!

Ok,....the rants are over. I shouldn't "bitch" because things that I WANT to happen in ten seconds..are taking weeks to happen!! What is changing my tune?
Bill has gotten himself a job, and will start to work after the first of April. His grades are coming up in school and he is doing better than I am!! He and his daddy gave me the old "I don't know what we'd do without you mom" speech. I should be thrilled to death with my new job,..but i am not!!
What gives? I don't know!
Right now,..I have to eat some lunch. Then I will be back later to philoaophize over certain life happenings!!

William fessed up to me about deleting the e-mail. I went through my lecture series about me and his father being entitled to the same privacy that he is entitled to. (He goes into a minor catfit if one of us even goes into his bedroom!!) I am not going to give him a cent for anything this week beyond his basic needs!!
Bill is twenty two years old and that is old enough to hold down a job, pay most of his own bills, and assume some responsibility for himself!! When I was twenty two years old, I was teaching school full time, working in a nursing home part time, had bought my own car, and was busily trying to help my mother pay her bills!! He is going to have to learn how to support himself..no matter how many times we have to get him started..over and over..and over,..and over!!
I can do nothing with the book company until Rosezelle gets back from Kentucky!! Daryl is really excited over the possibilities of what the Nellie book could accomplish as far as human rights for the disabled, but I can tell him right now...Nellie became famous years ago. She was an interesting news item and then, she was forgotten.
Our blind pastor should feel that we,..three,..are very lucky that the book is attracting as much attention as it is right now!! It is very nice to think that we are going on our third edition of the book!!
I talked about my disabilities in my Abby Normal Psychology class. The same old questions arose, "How can you learn if you have a very poor memory of what has just happened to you? If you cannot even distinguish written symbols against a certain background..how can you write or type on a computer? Are you lipreading me? How skilled are you at lipreading? Do you use the residual sound that you can pick up or do you hear anything at all? How can you remember the portions of conversations that you do understand? How do you even learn at all? My little brother is totally deaf,..he can't speak at all,..why is your speech so clear?" Lordy,..if I could answer all of those questions,..I would be a college professor and not a student,..writing here this morning on this blog!! I can learn because I have learned to learn in a different way...i...e..I repeat things and go over them and over them and over them and work like hell to comment them to memory...if those things involve sound. I am fairly quick to pick up certain things..if they are in print!!
I should probably use a hearing aide more than I do, but the dang things make my ears swell up so much and hurt in my ear canals so much that I would rather undergo the inconveniences of not using one!!
I am also a terrible faker. I learned long ago the hazards of being "totally honest" with a vocational rehab person of any kind!! Those folks are more interested in spending as little money as possible on a person's disability than they are in actually helping one to deal with the disability itself. At least,..in Canton, Ohio..that's what they are!!
My last BVR councilor was willing to spend over three thousand dollars so that he would have an evaluation that he could use to "prove" that I was untrainable...rather than spend $1500 to give me the training that I could have used to have gotten a job or improve my nursing skills to the point that I would not come back to his office anymore!!
I long ago learned the value of the "nod and grin."
"Do you really understand everything that is being said?" asks the BVR councilor. I just nod and grin and try to get to the parts that I can put together. I really don't miss that much!
Using both sound and lipreading,..I supposed I get about eighty or ninety per cent accuracy. Then,..there is the classic, "How can you be a practical nurse if you can't hear that well? How can you be an effective nurse if you forget things?"
In homecare nursing,..almost everything and all nursing instructions are totally written out. Most of the nursing techniques that I must use on a client are demonstrated five or six times even for a new person on the job with no disabilities so that that person will feel confident of what they are doing with the client. In home nursing,..there are no beepers to listen to,..no buzzers to answer and no blinking lights to distract. In homecare, I am one on one with the client and I can observe in detail..everything about that person's physical condition and call for help in an instant if help is needed. It does not take hearing to clean up vomit,..change a poopy diaper,..give a person a bath, or observe changes in a person's physical condition!!
I wish that in Ohio that people would be taken on their individual needs and not "according to distinct diagnosis!" At the same time that a person at Edwin Shaw Hospital was telling me that "I could not possibly be doing all of the things that I had honestly told him that I was doing,".....At the time,..I was finishing up writing WALKING FREE; THE NELLIE ZIMMERMAN STORY and getting it ready for publication, finishing up a six year term oh the Ohio Governor's Council on People with Disabilities, serving on my local Citizen's Advocacy Committee for Ohio Rehab,..working a forty hour a week job with a girl, who was dying of muscular dystrophy, and taking care of my mother-in-law, who was dying of kidney failure and congestive heart failure!! I have also had to deal with my husband's chronic depression and make him stay on his anti-anxiety meds so that he can remain functional!!
I was doing all of this while a person, who was sitting in an office and not paying anything to what I was doing in my real life,..told me.."You cannot possibly be doing all of the things that you told me you are doing because my diagnosis of you says that you cannot be doing those things according to the criterion of the diagnosis that this hospital has set up!"
Well, FUCK the diagnosis! My family has to keep on going and so do I.
And people like that are what makes me so leary of so-called professionals, who will spend thousands ot dollars so that they can avoid a person's real needs and protect their pensions and salaries and perks! I have been fairly fluent in American Sign Language for over thirty years, and I had a "rehab counsilor" tell me "You are just imagining..that you can sign!!"
I wrote a book with the help of a woman who is almost totally deaf and her husband has been totally deaf all of his life, and if that is not American Sign Language that we have been using for the past five years to communicate with each other to get that book written,...then,..I better go back for another look! The rehab councilor will not read the book and this is a direct quote, "I am not a reader and it is certainly not worth my time!!"
The three of us, Buck, Rosezelle, and myself,.. are also proficient in our speech,..too! We wrote the book with a blind man,(who has his PhD in Divinity,) and he certainly cannot "visually read ASL or any form of sign language!!" And his nerve damage would provent him from being able to manually read any form of sign language as the deaf-blind do!! Rosezelle, Buck, and myself,..we had better be REALLY good at,... if not speaking spoken speech,..then,..comprenhending it and using it!! We live in a HEARING world and how else could we communicate with Daryl if we could not speak well?
Whew! I am ranting!!!
I think I'll go get a Diet Coke and think about whether or not I will let Densmorereid have my life story!!

Ooooo-k! I hope that Rosezelle gets back today!! I have so many things to tell her!!! Everything about my new job looks fairly good! I will be making more money and working fewer hours!! Nothing beats that!! Someone is getting into my yahoo e-mail box and deleting portions of my e-mail. I think that Bill is the "dirty deleter" and I will deal with him accordingly.

..Rosezelle is back in Kentucky. Her 96 year old aunt is dying. It's hard to believe that a person could live to be ninety six years old. Yet this lady did and though she never hard any children of her own, she raised all of the orphan and semi-orphan children in Rosezelle's family,..including Rosezelle,..herself. So now she is ninety six years old and dying of kidney failure and all of these children, who were not born to her, but whose lives she somehow made more livable, are coming back to her to see her off.
..From a three room shack in the kentucky mountains, a frail, little,..bent over Kentucky Hillbilly woman, who was LUCKY to go eight grades of school, is being mourned over by four generations of folks, whose lives she influenced and changed for the better in some way!! Her "children" include two karate and marial arts experts, an "MA" in social work, who is also my co-author, three ministers, six school teachers,..an inventor,.. a country music star, who would sue me if I mentioned his name,..countless other relatives, whose families were taken in when no one else would have them,...and one angry hearing impaired woman, who goes by the nickname of Stanelle. Buzzybee, Rosezelle's nic,...gave me the privilage of being introduced to this little lady last year.
..I saw her little three roomed shack, which had not been changed much since the Depression,..ate toast and fried eggs with her..both made over a KITCHEN fire in her stove,..and listened to her say to me, "Stanelle,..thar's thangs about you that I can't explain! Thar's an anger in yuh! Yer hearts a'fire! Don't let it burn you up!"
That REALLY creeped me out!!
I later asked the Buzzybee, "Have you told your Auntie..anything about me at all?"
"No!" Rosezelle said to me, "But you must remember, her father was the mountain witch,..known as Black Heart. Auntie sometimes knows things about people and no one knows where she gets her information from!!"
Rosezelle's next book is entitled, BLACK HEART: TALES FROM THE EASTERN KENTUCKY MOUNTAINS! I should not wonder that a man, named Black Heart, had a daughter, who looked at me once and knew about my life long anger over being different. I do wonder at the fact that that daughter took in dozens of stray children and raised them or paid for their schooling. Good comes out of evil ...sometimes,..I guess!
Goodby, Rosezelle's Auntie! Goodby Black Heart's Daughter! After ninety six years here on earth,...I hope that whatever you believed was the afterlife....gives you what you expected!! The thing about anger in a person's heart is not that it exists, but what that person, in whose heart the anger exists, does with that anger!! Funny that "Auntie" should see something that I have had hidden away for over forty years!! As Nellie used to say to me, "Life is more than what you see!!"
For anyone, besides me,..who is reading this blog. This is all true. Strange things and even stranger people can happen in this world, whether folks believe in them or not!!

Whooop! Whooop!
DENSMOREREID WANTS TO PUT ME UNDER OPTION FOR MY LIFE STORY!!
WHODA THUNK IT?
Snort!! LMAO!!
What do they think that they are going to get? Another Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan? Sorry,..no! I think that they had better try and make the most of Nellie's story and not push for too much.
The joke is..even if we do make a lot of money on WALKING FREE,...I know that my life will never change. I don't want to be like some of the people, that I have met in real life or virtual people, that I have met on my computer screen, and I certainly have a Mt. Everest of human flaws of my own to overcome.
I have to think over this.."We want to write your life story" thing. Would some of the people, whom I have met in real life or some of the people, whom I have met in the "virtual life," that I have lived at various websites..like to be given credit for telling me that I am stupid, or slighting me,..or going out of their way to hurt or to embaress? On the other hand,..it would be nice to give the folks credit, who were kind, and sympathetic, who didn't desert me when things got rough, or try to make me into a fool, or tell me that I did not...'..."have one coherent thought in my head". That one was the corker.

What a "crapulous day!" I have to go to literature class and all that I can think of is the more negative aspects of the word "crapulous!" What a perfectly marvolous word! What an expressive word!
Today,..I have a crapulous mood and a crapulous feeling!! Will it be a crapulous day?

Ok,..so I am not working at the nursing home anymore. And I feel like crap. Then,..I stop and think about how my GPA was going down and about how I really want to learn more about computers...and other people. And I think of how my time at the nursing home was pulling my GPA down. I actually got a "D" on a test!! Gaaaaaaah! The sky is not falling,..but i feel like it is! i like getting my "A's and B's!"
I have a hunger to be around other people, and not just on the other end of an e-mail or on the other end of a chat situation. l like other people and not the type of "safe family isolation" that my husband has made into a way of life. His dad was deaf. His siter is going deaf. I am hard of hearing. Lloyd is really safe. He surrounds himself with hard of hearing and deaf people and never really has to face..."the others," the true hearing...as we call them.
Oh! Oh! I must get to class!

So,..we are going to accept Nibstar's promotional package,..it looks like!! I have already gotten their "Marketing Script," and I have made my changes in it. Now,..I am waiting for an "educated appraisal" of a portion of it.
I am happy so far except for the fact that Miss Sippi has not yet sent me her fax number so that I can send her the part of the script,..that I have in mind for her!! It is short and meaty, but it is one that I would love to see her do!! "For the want of a horseshoe,..a kingdom was lost!!' "For the want of a fax number,...a part is lost?"
My doc says that I must rest! WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK THAT SHE IS KIDDING? REST,..NOW? THAT WOULD BE LIKE LYING DOWN ON THE JOB..WHICH JOB? I DUNNO!