O-k! Sally Sue is married off now and what a wedding!! Who is Sally Sue? This young gal is the daughter of one of my best friends, who is much more upwardly mobile than I would ever hope to be.
Sally Sue's mama...I'll call her Bess,..and I were once roommates at Malone Colloge...long, long ago,...long ago! Bess went into computer science. I went into high school teaching. Bess lives in a gated community. I live in an Amish community. Bess decided to marry her daughter,..Sally Sue,..off in style.
As I am very good with the "aaaaaahs" and the "ooooooohs"......especially with old friends and since the book has been out for a year and a half and has been rather successful in this area,..Bess decided to let me admire her skill in putting together her daughter's wedding. I have over the past few months..watched poor Sally Sue go through her own version of hell as she followed her mother's directions as to how her wedding was to be arranged.
One of Bess's stipulations as to me being allowed to observe her daughter's wedding was that I was not to incite Sally Sue to rebellion or even suggest that Sally Sue had a mind of her own and perhaps could arrange her own wedding.
I watched poor Sally Sue diet down from a slightly chubby size ten to a starving size eight for a frilly, lacy four thousand dollar wedding gown, complete with French lace veil. I saw Bess calling her society friends to get their daughters for Sally Sue's nine brides maids. I saw Sally Sue suffer through pre-wedding parties and showers..not allowed to eat cake so that she could be thin enough to wear her mama's four thousand dollar wedding dress. I saw the crowd of four hundred people, wining and dining on hoer'd'oves..ie..fish eggs and olives and little hot dogs, dipped in bbq sauce in a huge room next to the cathedral in which poor Sally Sue was to be married.
I assisted Sally Sue into her wedding dress and watched the poor girl with the seventeen inch waistline,..drool as she watched her guests, gobble down snacks and martinis..before her wedding, and then,..leave to get their seats to see the grand sight of Sally Sue's getting married.
"Ok!" thinks I, "The poor girl was allowed no breakfast just so that she could fit into that damned dress! She's starving!"
Then I says to poor Sally Sue, "Hon! If you want to duck in there and get yourself a nibble of something while I go to the john,..be my guest!!"
Sally Sue ducked into the snack room, and I went to the john. Sally Sue's stomach was making strange rumbling sounds as she set off on her trip down the aisle. Halfway down, the beautiful red carpet,..Sally Sue shot gun barfed down the front of her four thousand dollar wedding dress.

(I'll finish this story....tomorrow!")