I found an interesting poem, which I have decided to post. When I was younger,..I did not have much use for certain types of sentiment and was totally grounded in the "here and now."
As I have progressed into my middle-age,..I find myself appreciating certain elements of sentimentality, which meant nothing to me at an earlier time in my life. The one thing that I will always regret is that I did not follow my original bend to try and become an artist of sorts. I got so grounded in "reality"..by those around me..that I never took the time to seriously consider the posibility of trying to "draw"..or do other forms of artwork for a living.

As a form of "revenge" against those, who had grounded me in the reality of"women-don't-make-a-living-with-art," I took to painting "not-so-nice"..pictures with words, in Cinncinati,..I DEFINITELY WON'T go into that,..but I will both infuriate and delight some folks,..who might be reading, this blog in saying that I had a good sized audience,..reading my "illicit works!!"

If you are one of the ones, busy searching for those "early literary efforts" of mine,..I give you fair warning of what I call.."Stanelle's twist,"..if you have read any of my stories..you will remember that a lot of my stories don't turn turn out as you expect..and the joke is often on the person,..who seeks to smear and judge. What might be called "pornography"..in MY neighborhood,..might be called "literature"in another place!!

Anyway,..back to the sentiment factor,...I found and read a little poem today...which caused me to go to the local Dairy Mart and buy a rosebud. I very carefully tried to take the petals from the rosebud...without destroying them or tearing them to pieces,..I could not!!

Read this poem and see what struck me so in my advertient attack of "sentimentality!!" :

Quote---

"It is only a tiny rosebud

A flower of God's design;

But I cannot unfold the petals

With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers

Is not known to such as I.

God opens up this flower so sweetly,

Then, in my hands,..they die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,

The flower of God's design,

Then how can I have the wisdom

To unfold this life of mine??

Interesting thought,..huh?

I do not demand that anyone explore their beliefs in the way that I am exploring mine,..but I would ask you to consider my beliefs as you read them and perhaps even respect them. Another sentimental thought,..

Quote:

.."They say that it takes a minute to find a special person,..an hour to appreciate them,..a few days to really come to feel affection for them as friends,..and an entire lifetime to forget them."

For a short period,..I came to really appreciate some folks that I have met in my Real Life and in my online life. Eveidently,..they did not appreciate me as I appreciated them,..and it will take a lifetime to.."forget them,"..but I am pleased to say that that situation does not take place in the majority..of my aquaintances!!

Ooooooo-k! I read other people's blogs..when I get the chance,..and I think about what I read. One of the things that I am learning is that..even on line..people run in packs.

Yeah,..I know,..that should be an obvious fact that I should have learned in a so-called-normal-life,..but remember,..I have not lived a so-called-normal-life,..I've lived MY life.

From reading the blogs and looking around message bboards,..I've learned that most members of "people packs"..are scared "shitless"..of folks,..who don't need to run with the rest of the "wolves." There is also the fact that most "pack members"..assume that the "lone wolf"...is an outlaw.

Sorry,..that's not always true.

After studying some of the "so-called-normal" behaviors that I have seen online,..if that behavior is supposed to be normal,..I don't WANT to be considered that version of normal.

A scifi writing group left me behind last spring and rejoiced when they hurt my feelings. In real life,..my problem was solved as I have joined a professional writing group,..where my ideas are looked upon..as normal and anyone who is a published author..is accepted. It was pointed out to me in the real life writing group,..after several members of that group had reviewed the archives,..that I refered them to,..that one of the reasons that I was so reviled by the members of the online group...was "acute jealousy"....on the part of some of the online writers,..who were desperately looking for a way to...and I quote,.."Shut you up but good!"

What really made my head spin was the comment that a smiling persona,..who writes for a well known newspaper ,..here in Stark County,..and has written for years about my work with the deaf here on my home ground, told me...(I am still in shock that this guy was even TALKING to little old me..let alone critiquing me),..."The only way that people like this can deal with folks like you,..is to turn tail and run from them."

To say that I was in shock from these comments is putting my feelings mildly.

My real life critics also pointed out that I should act more independently and write more indendently!! I gotta really think those remarks over..independently!!

I ALWAYS think about what I read as reading is my best means of comprehending what another person is trying to tell me. Speech to me is just a means to pass around basic ideas..for me,..at least. What is written goes into my brain faster than the spoken word and stays there longer....yet I am listening to what these folks from this real life group...are telling me..outloud..and REALLY thinking about their comments!!

Well! The Chistmas dinner is sliced honey ham,..hot white rolls,..vegetable salad,..and left over chicken and dressing!! I told the guys that we are a'eatin light from now on!!! The sixty-six year old stared at me in disbelief.

"We'll starve!" he muttered, "No potatoes and gravy!!"

"Eat dressing!" I muttered.

"Nice snack!" William jokes. Then,..a little more seriously,.."Mom! Aren't we...eating a little..lightly!! Where's the "spread?"

"Right now!" I groused,.."It's around your waist,..and not on the table!!"

The guys are looking at me in shock!! It's a question..of who can hold out the longest,..my resolution of us all eating a little more healthily or the guys' ability to pressure me!!

(to be continued!!)

The day before Christmas is winding down. The sisters-in-law came over for our "Traditional Christmas Supper" and I got raised eyebrows pointed at me with the comment,.."What??? No..turkey?"

Eeeeeeeeyeaaah! All we had was baked corn pudding,..fresh buttered new peas,..stuffed capon..(a very large chicken!!--OH THE HORROR!),..fresh baked corn muffins..(no homemade hot white rolls or biscuits..again..OH THE HORROR!!), a fresh veggie plate,..a relish plate..(six different kinds of pickles..store-boughten..3 kinds...AGAIN, OH THE HORROR!),..NO hand torn lettuce and greens salad...just lettuce and tomato salad, (I am just racking up my own string of HORRORS and will soon be disowned!!), mashed potatoes and gravy,..homemade chicken noodles with gravy,..fresh baked macaroni and cheese, homemade Christmas suger cookies with butter icing and sprinkles, hot fresh backed black-bottom carmel apple pie,..hot fresh baked peanutbutter pie,..and a stollen for after dinner nibbling!

Everyone ate pretty well,..i..e..the dressing is gone...along with half the chicken. The corn pudding is three quarters gone. There is no salad or veggie plate or pickle plate left. The peanut butter pie is completely eaten. Three dozen Christmas Cookies are demolished and my sister-in-laws took home the third of the stollen, that was left.

One of my sister-in-laws took pity on me with the comment,"..Considering the fact that you have been sick,..Em,..it was a good spread!!"

Eeeeeeeerm! How is she going to take to the fact that we are going to be eating lightly like this..now that my diet is restricted???

(Chuckle!) Despite all around condemnation from Mrs. Bimblewort and her devoted followers,.."direct quote"..."some children should never be born".. and Mrs. Grundy with her declarations of
"such people should say in their places and hide as no one wants to associate with such creatures," Benjamin's Dog: Joseph,..the doggie with the short paw,..is selling like hot cakes.

Observation: Some folks might control their little "groupies"..but Someone..much...bigger and more powerful....controls..the whole world!!

I cannot believe how quickly that children's book sold. I guess that the school system in the Richmond, Ind. area was really pleased with the idea of a book,..which told children that it was ok for them to be born..a little different than other children.

Oh shock!!

Aren't these the "children..."who should have never been born??" Could it be? Could it just be that other people don't hold such an extreme view?

Could it be? Could it just be..that folks, who make such extreme statements, are the 'type," of people, who gave me some of my "more extreme attitudes"..in the first place?

Yeeeeeeeeeeehawwwwww!!

Or is it,

"...Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!"

The first edition,...THE ENTIRE FIRST EDITION,....the whole kit,..kilter,..and kabooootle..of BENJAMIN'S DOG: JOSEPH, our first children's book...is...

(TAAAAAAH! TAAAAAH! TAAAAAAAAAA!....sound of blaring trumpets and dancing slave boys..dressed only in their...(ahem!!!)....virginal natural beauty)

.....SOOOOOOOLD OUT!!!

ONE THOUSAND COPIES GONE,..SOLD OUT,..JUST LIKE THAT!!

I just got the frabulous,..cabtabulous,. fantastico,..wonderous news..tonight...by phone from Rosezelle!!

And,...THREE HUNDRED UNFILLED ORDERS FOR SAID BOOK...JUST LIKE THAT!!!!

(SNAPS FINGERS TO SHOW SPEED AT WHICH THE NEW BOOK IS SELLING!!!!! :)

That little illustrator is going to be able to afford to go to any college..that she wants!! Heh! I wonder if I will be able to sleep at all..tonight!!

I know..that I am going to do something nice for the boy,..Annie's son!! God only knows what that child has been through since he lost his mama. :d

God,..nights like tonight make me renew my faith in what..some folks believe does not..exist!!

And,..we are lining up our speaking engagents again!! January,..if I am well..I can go on our first book tour of 2004 to South Western Ohio and Northern Kentucky and get upand clown my way into as many..sales..as possible!! :D

Life is....good!!

OOoooooo-k! Here's what separates the "mice" from the "lions!" The key to getting something done is to become obsessed with it and keep working on it and not stop working on it!! A good strong obsession can keep you going when all else fails!!

For the past month...I have been obsessed with pushing air in and out of my lungs. I was and am not thinking about what I was doing because the "alternative" to not struggling to push air in and out of my lungs is not a pretty "alternative" to contemplate.

Last night I propped myself up and read someone else's blog and gasped that this person should compare herself to someone that they were raised with,..but are totally genetically unlike!! The view of this person,..that I have,..is totally different.than what they see of themselves!!

How can a person,..who has struggled everyday of their life..pushing and striving to make the most of who and what they are and trying to overcome every moment of reminders of the "failures" of relatives and families, have to bear the shame of having a sibling with faulty "DNA"..in their bodily systems? The "shame," that having faulty DNA in one's cell structure causes, is just as unreal as the person,...who tries to tell me that I am "nuts" because I co-wrote some weird stories on a scifi bboard so that I could help a woman..ease her frustration..over having a disease that was slowly killing her.

If the "rape,..murder,..and pillage"..that Annie and I committed together during that time...on that message bboard in our "clone stories"..made the dying Annie feel better after I consider the "rape,.murder,..and pillage"..that Muliple Sclerosis was doing on her poor living body,...then I consider those stories to have served their sad little purpose.

Annie was a starfish..that I threw back into the sea..after a storm. I could not help that the ravages of MS washed her back ashore.

The genetic code of a family does not mean that a woman, who has striven all of her life to lead a good life,..has to be ashamed..of anything...especially as her e-mail letters kept me going as I watched Annie dying and I could tell no one about my anguish over that dying....till now.

I protected "Annie's" privacy and Questing Truth saved apart of my "sanity"...by listening to me via e-mail. The "Dancing Wind"..did the same for Annie and myself,..but in a different way. I would have to think more on this before I could explain it fully.

Right now,..I am concentrating on pushing the air in and out of my lungs.

I HATE SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE!!!

GAAAAAAAAH!

The sixty-six year old and Bill and Shawn are putting up the rest of the "Christmas Lights!!" I was told that I can make hot chocolate for them!!

Baaaaaaaaah!!! Humbug!! The most that I can drink is "thera-flu"! Yeeeeeeech!! So I now have "walking pneumonia!"

First the heart catheterization at Thanksgiving and now,...pneumonia for Christmas!! I smell the "stench of grinch" and it is coming from my dirction!!

I have not made one "kuchen" or one "stollen," this...year..yet!! If I made any kind of a pie at all,..I would throw it at the next person,..who asks me, "Mom,..what's ta eat??"

I just checked the google search engine this morning and (chuckle!)..."Benjamin's Dog: Joseph,"..our newly published book, is listed three times already..complete with author AND illustrator!! This book is really going to have an impact on both abled bodied and disabled kids everywhere!! I can hardly wait to see how far the thousand copies in the first printing will actually go before we do the second printing of it!!

"Walking Free" has been out for two years and has been listed only forty-five times on the google search engine. Densmore Reid Publishing,..itself..is all over the Internet..in all of the "search engines!" We are starting to fill our peculiar little niche..in the publishing business!

Now, I... have to see if anything has happened more on the "Walking Free" script. We have had some lively interest shown in it and one promise of.."someone..showing the script to someone else." The excellent reviews,..which we have recieved on it in the Cleveland Plain Dealer,..Canton Repository,..and Akron Beacon Journal..certainly haven't hurt its' reputation!!! At least ONE well known production company is busily trying to sell that script!! So,..we got that going for us!! If I don't kill myself with my "mischief,"..maybe I'll see that book become a movie..yet!!

The sixty six year old had to take me to the emergency room in Massillon last night again. I'm glad that they didn't keep me. I promised to "go visit my doctor first thing this morning!!"

I might have "pneumonia,"..like they told me last night!! Still, I can breath fairly well,..but that fact alone would explain why I've had to get up at three and four in the morning to play on the internet!!

I thought I was imagining that I was having difficulty breathing and it turns out that I actually AM having difficulty breathing!! Perhaps,..Bill was right. I shouldn't have gone to the "Rezzy Fest!"

The cats are doing their usual. All six of them are patiently waiting for me to feed them.

I am "wasting" their time as I sit here pounding ou my blog yet they have learned to "tolerate" this idiosyncracy of mine while they await their next meal. It should not be too hard for them to wait as they just ate about four hours ago..at six AM this morning. Right now,..a mass communal "washing" is taking place.

Everyone is taking a bath...one hindmost leg in the air...everything is hanging out!! I am getting stares of outrage from Lizard Breath as I do not take part in the mass group activity!!
Lizzie is the "bath initiating" cat. When she says lift your leg and wash,..all of my felines do so or she either yowls at them,..bites them,..or pounds the rebel into submission as the others sit and watch in mute admiration of her persuasive "tactics."

Liz is giving me the cat version of the "fish eye." She remembers me chasing her all over the house with a rolled up newspaper,..however. She walks over and wacks Fluffy,..my one long haired kitten,..over the head as he is too slow deciding which leg to start licking.

As Fluff has to learn to stand up for himself,..I stay out of the squabble. Lizard Breath has the mornings acivities well under control. If she decides that the whole "kitty Crew" will wash till I decide to feed them,..they will sit on their cans and lick themselves clean.

I have a feeling,..however,..that Fluffy is going to be the rebel of the bunch...if I don't interfer. Lizzie has "brained" him one time too often for him to forget. One of these mornings,..when the Fluffer gains another three or four pounds,..Miss Lizzie is going to get her butt beat!!

Heh! The joke is is that Lizard Breath is really quite the most cowardly of the my cats. She has a louder voice than the others,..and can screech most of them into submission, and hits the cats smaller than herself..as hard as she can,..but if another cat,..bigger than herself or feistier,.. really up and challenges her...she runs like the devil for behind the bathroom door..her favorite hiding place.

(more on cat politics at another time!!)

Shawn,..the Boy,..Bill,..and myself went to the "Rezzy Fest" tonight. We were treated to the sight of fifty-five thousand multicolored Christmas Lights,..reflecting off the mirror like waters of the lake, at the Massillon Reservoir Park.

The guys feasted on hot chocolate,..fried trail bologna sandwiches with swiss cheese on onion buns,.and french fries,,,made in buckets of hot lard,..bubbling over roaring bonfires. They topped off their fat ladened feast with doughnuts, fried in a similar situation as the french fries, and dipped, pipping hot, into powdered white sugar!!

God! Those doughnuts are too delicious even for me to think about,..let alone talk about them!! DROOOL! DROOOL!

I ate two nasty dried up salt-free and sugar-free oatmeal cookies to celebrate my new dietery restrictions and listened to Bill..moo at me about,.."Mom!! This cold is not good for your chest!! Do you want to go back into the hospital again!!! Blaaaaah! Blaaah!!! Blaaah!"

The only thing, missing and necessary for a picture book evening, were the ice skaters. The reservoir lake is not yet frozen hard enough!!

There is enough snow for several holidays....almost eight inches of the white stuff on the ground.

This snow is soft and mushy and not frozen crusty and powdery...so no "horse powered" sleighs out yet! Whooop! Whoop! I can hardly wait for the sight!!

Quote:

"Lightly flying over the snow

With a hey-ha-ha and a ho-ha-ho!

Merrily on we go!

Hey-ha-ho!..

Merrily on we go!!"

Or..:

"Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh!..

Merrily on we go..

Laughing all the way!

Bells on bob-tails ring!

Making spirits bright!

What fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight!"


I will have to ask the sixty-five year old to ask Ralph R...,..the U.S. senator,..here from Avarre...if he still has his old bob sled down in his back barn!! A ride in a one horse powered bob sled..might help cheer the Boy up...if anything could!!

The only thing that I would ask would be to be seated as FAR from the horse as possible!!!!

Tipper thinks that he is a kitten. This "baby" rolls about on the floor at the foot of my reclining chair and mewls..loudly enough for me to hear him, "Poor little kitty,..me! Pathetic me! Neglected little me!! Lizzie is not the only kitty here,..who needs love and affection!!"

SHE,..his litter mate,..his sister,..Lizard Breath,...cuddles on my lap and purrs. She looks at her "little brother" and smiles a contented "cat smile!" Rolling on her back,..she yawns and stretches all four fat legs into the air as she awaits her special kitty-belly-rub!!

Tipper,..her "little brother,..she came out before he did..howls in kittenish misery as he has to wait for HIS belly rub!! I can almost see the tears gathering in his eyes as he sits in front of me,..tilts his head back,..and "cat pouts, "Em..always loved Lizzie best! I am a poor neglected ball of frizzed fur..just a'wastin away from a lack of loved and attention!! Merooow! Mayeeeeee!! Hooooooweeeeel!!"

Tipper,..so named because he is my number one tipper of waste cans at our house,...is a fourteen pound full grown Thomas cat!

And I have four more just like Lizzie and Tip..just a'waitin' for a few moments in my lap for love and attention..and then,.."thrill..'o..the day":....CAT CHOW!!!

The sixty-six year old made up some "cowcumber" salad!

What's that?...Ah yes! William is telling me that I am sounding like a "German-accented-Canuck,"..as he calls it,...when I use "words"..that he doesn't approve of!! I will correct myself,.."The sixty-six year old made some "cucumber" salad!!"

If I said that,.."Now mornin' I red up the table,..outened the lights,..put the "smeerkase'..in the icebox,..put up the eats,..and smartened the house!..,"....he would turn purple with embaressment and give me a ten minute lecture on how I should "Clean up your speech,..Mom! You know better than to talk like that!"

(That is a direct quote!!! As if his own habits of speech were all that great!!!")

This boy hates it when his two "aunties" come over. He understands perfectly what we are saying, but he hates to hear us all a'talkin' like that. You see,..when his two aunts and his cousins come over...Mr. William...(OH THE HORROR!!!!!).....SLIPS INTO BROGUE....AND SOUNDS JUST LIKE THE REST OF US A'TALKIN' AWAY!!! HA!!

I have been barking and moaning like a sick puppy these past couple of days because I can't go to the book reception, which will be held in Richmond, Ind., for BENJARMIN'S DOG: JOSEPH,..our latest book. The first printing is exactly one thousand copies and to me that is really exciting!! So far,..we have really been getting orders from doctors' offices,..hospitals,..churches,..and the children's sections of libraries!!
Some of these places had their copies paid for by sponsers,..who wish to remain anonymous,..other copies have been bought outright by individual people!! This is one little book that is going to get around!! Daryl says a second printing soon..is..inevitable!!
The best part of the whole shindig will be the introduction of the new illustrator,..whose line drawings of animals, are especially unique!!

On the basis of our book,..she has already gotten another commission or two. Heh! And with what we paid her,..she has a good start on her college fund!!! And the two new commissions won't hurt that little fund..either!!

First lesson of the week!:

NEVER tell Hellen Keller jokes in an office where the best selling book is about a deaf blind woman!!! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Second lesson of the week:

Never "assume,"....you know the old saw about making an ass out of you and me???? Well,..as this person..was already an ass,..that cliche just bit the dust!!!

CAAAAAAAAAAAACKLE!!!

Yeah!! It's true..that Jonathan Swift...is my patron saint!!!

It's also true that as my gentle reader can plainly see,..to the dismay of a few,.I did survive the heart cath and angioplasty.

It is also true that my "prep" nurse recognized me while I was in an awkward position. She thought that it was funnier than I did at the time. Eeeeeergh! To put it bluntly,...I was in no postion to laugh!!

It's also true that I have Shakespeare's books in Borders. And they are actually being sold there and yeah,..if I have to..I'll take a picture of them on the shelves there....and send her the pictures!!

For a few delicate souls,..out there,..I am NOT the same person that I was twenty years ago and school girl cliques,..while they can upset me,..are not the "be all and stay all of life."
Seeing a young deaf man,..who was once a prisoner of a state mental institution because he was branded at the age of two as "mentally retarded"...he "didn't respond to audible stmuli"...for the psychologists so he must be retarded was the clinical way of thinking that put an intelligent little boy in such a terrible position in the first place,..seeing that boy graduate from high school after getting no formal "grade school education"..and knowing that I was the person,...who taught him to read...after a friend of mine and I got him out of the institution for the retarded and into a group home,..that my friend and I started,..along with a group of deaf...NOT hearing folks....(pants for breath.....yes,..Rosezelle,..I know I'm supose to save this for a PAYING audience.....)

(Geee!! I thnk I'm just a "rantin" away here!!)"

Watching that boy graduate fron high school and seeing him hold down a job and become a tax paying citizen, living independently...is a high for me.

Getting up in front of a group of deaf folks and telling them in their own language..about an elderly deaf-blind lady,..who withstood more abuse in her one life time than most folks see in several generations..let alone in one lifetime is the "stay all and be all" ultimate experience for me.

Talking to a group of school kids or college students about deafness and teaching them the manual alphabet,..and telling them that..."life is more than what they see"...is a high that no drug or drink can give.

Talking to a deaf-blind lady at Columbus Colony for the Deaf,..which is SUPPORTED AND RUN BY THE DEAF IN THE STATE OF OHIO,...and having her understand me is another "ultimate" experience. One of you has seen me do that.

And yeah,..it's true that the last time I talked to said lady..that I got another interpreter to talk to the lady. That was for the benefit of the person,..who was with me. I lack the skills in English to properly interpret for the English speaking person,..who was with me at the time,.. all of the things that the deaf-blind lady was saying to us. That did not mean that I did not understand the deaf-blind lady..myself.

Wooot! Will say more later!