Bill had me meet his girl-friend today. She was a pretty enough looking little brunette,..trim with very graceful movements and a charming smile. Her name was Miranda.
"Finally,"..I thought. "William is trying to better himself!! This little lady looks very nice !! Maybe,..she can light a fire under William and get him going!! Perhaps,..just perhaps,..he will finally live up to his potential!!"
I extended my hand to her over my lunch table in the school's common hall.
"Hi! My name is Stanelle!! I am really glad to meet you!! I'm Bill's mom!!" I greeted her.
Mianda looked at me in the strangest way. She looked at Bill,..then she looked at me,..then she looked around the room,..and finally,..out the big window in the common room as if she were asking heaven for help with some life threatening matter.
Finaly,..she extended a shaking hand to me. It was actually quivering when she touched me!! What on earth was wrong with this girl? Finally she mde a quick pass at my fingers and we shook hands!!
Quickly, she withdrew her hand from mine,..dug into her purse and got out a packet of surgical wipes!! She proceeded to scrub both of her hands with at least six wipes..one after another and rubbed her hands till they appeared to be quite red!! Both Bill and I stared in horrified fastination!! "Uh,..Miranda!" I had to ask her as I have all the social tact of a bulldozer,..but I had the feeling that I had met someone,..who made me look like the Emily Post of the deaf set!, "Why did you scrub your hands after we shook hands?"
"I did not want to pick up any strange germs from you!!" Miranda told me directly as I sat down,..most likely red-faced in front of her, "And if you have any bugs or parasites in your system,..this way,..I will avoid picking them up from you!!"
"Well,..William," I muttered to myself, "If you are just after this one for her body,..I won't object!!"
Bill smiled fondly art his new flame, "She is a student nurse!! And at lunch today,..she is going to tell me about the life cycle of the pin worm and how to avoid getting it!" As I already knew the life cycle of the pin worm and also knew that scratching ones bare anus is how you pick up the eggs and spread them to other people,..I wondered if Bill's new romantic fling would even last its' way through his lunch with Miranda!! My son is very squimish!!
Stiil,..he was helping her scrub down the table and chairs with lysol so that they would have a clean place to eat their lunch!! Maybe,.this love interest.......would last!
Before I left them in their clean and sterile environment,..I told Bill, ".Ask her over for dinner!! She just has to meet Baxter,..your pet tom cat!! "
I thought, "Miranda, would just love to meet Baxter. He has the world's worse case of fleas and I think that I will put off giving him his treatment for his fleas! Hehehe!!"
This shoud be good! Miranda is coming over for dinner..tomorrow night!!

My off-spring, William is growing more obnoxious!! Today,..when I came home from school, he stuck his tongue out and me and there was a "tongue ring" in his tongue!! You should have heard me holler!!
I was so shocked that I had to sit down! When he dyed his hair green with that spray on paint stuff, I took it with good grace. When he told me that he was unsure of his sexual preference,..I took it with all the "liberal" good grace that I could!!
(Maybe, I should not have asked him if Shawn was to be my new "daughter-in-law!" Bill has better taste than Shawn for a mate!! I hope!!)
I even forgave him that hi-jinx when he told me that asking me what I thought if he was unsure of his sexual prefernce was just part of his "sociology Class Experiment!!"
(I was on my knees thanking God for the fact that that "hi-jinx" was just a sociology experiment like the hard cider is "supposed to be his Chemistry experiment!!")
A tongue ring was just too much!!
Our neighbor lady, Mrs. Owens, alias "Mrs. Bimblewort," came over and stood in open mouthed amazement as he showed her his new tongue ring!! She threw up her hands and cried unto the Lord for all the wickedness that the"un-holy Hensel Family" brought into her santified presence!! She, then, turned on me in her "justified rage" as she put it and told me that she should have reported my family and myself to Stark county Family Services years ago so that our innocent child, weighing in at 250 pounds and standing six feet, three inches, would not have come to this wickedness of wearing a tongue ring!!
Bill started to howl with laughter at her!! He was laughing so hard that he made a choking noise and his face turned purple!! Mrs. Owens was alarmed! I was aghast! Why was my big, fat oversized son turning purple and gasping for breath?
What was he choking on? After a moment he stopped making the choking sounds and merely gasped for breath! It seemed that the tongue ring had been a clip-on EAR-RING that he had fastened to his tongue to torment me!!
When the "Bimblewortish" Mrs Owens had come and "condemned" my "Wicked Life" and poor child-raising techniques, he had started to laugh, dislodged the ring from his tongue and swallowed it!! when he moaned and cried about what was going to happen to him if he "didn't get that damned ring out of his stomach," I just laughed and said quite meanly, I suppose, "Bill,...this too shall pass!"
(Heheheheheh!)
But I will keep an eye on him just in case!! Sharp edges can damage the intestines!!

I have spent all evening, last evening after we came home from Stark State, driving my poor son crazy. His hearing friend , Shawn,..came over and the two of them started to try out their posr adolecent......"Man Talk!" From what I could get from my new-in-the-ear- listening device,.."Man Talk" consists of repeating the word "fuck," in as many ways as possible!!
Bill did not know that I had on my new device as it is very tiny and I had not told him that I had gotten a new one. When the guys thought that I could not hear them, I was fastinated by their use of the word: 'fuck!"
They spat out,..."Well,..fuck him!!" or "I'd like to fuck her!!" or "Fuck that!!" with great abandon!
THIS IS THE KID THAY SCOLDED ME ABOUT ALL THE SEX SCENES,..THAT I PUT INTO MY HARTKAI STORIES LAST YEAR!!
I wondered if they would be as vocal if they knew that I was actually LISTENING to them!!
I came and sat down in the living room with my earphone unit that I use in school on my ears. Bill was right in the middle of a most interesting sentence,"....And then,.......Shawn,... I thought...Hey!!! Man!!! Dode!! What the fuck? And then,..I decided to just go ahead and......fu...."
At this point he looked at me saw me with the listening unit, anf finished his sentence,.."....FUG around all afternoon! Mom? What are you doing here?"
I answered him or at least tried to answer him in the same vein that he had been talking. "Whatever the fu.......?"
"fUG!" Bill answers for me so that Shawn won't hear me cussing!! "I.......please!" I finished the sentence as soon as his "corrective interuption was over.
I started again, "Why the fu.......!"
"Frick!! She said , "Frick!" Shawn,..she said "Frick!"
I was really getting angry now!!! "Bil,...this fuc......!"
"Fugging!" he corrected me.
I fixed my young grammarian tonight when Shawn came back to visit for supper,..tonight!!
Before he came over at his usual time at 5 p.m. for supper, I got out my medical dictionary and Bill's Anatomy book, that he is studying in college this year!!. When the guys sat down to eat with me,..I got them good!!
"Stanelle!" says Shawn, "You are not eating very much for supper tonight!"
"Yeah!" I sighed, "I have a fungoid infection in my vaginal recess and on my cervical receptor!!"
Bill swallowed a mouthful of milk and choked so hard that it came right back out his nose!! Shawn, who had not the slightest idea other than I didn't feel good,..reproved my "preacherman-type" son, "Bill! You should do dumb stuff like that in front of your mom!! It's not cool!!"
Bill just glared at me as I told Shawn that I had taken the "unripe ovium" from under the chickens today and that I hoped my "labial canadensis" would clear up!! It was an interesting meal!!
I haven't had such a good time since my cousin Jack Street had a hot date set up with a girl,..who was "known to put out," bought some condoms from the pharmacist at "ole man Muscov's" drugstore, and told the pharmacist what a hot chick that he was getting for his blind dteat Massillon's Drive-In!! Ha! Poor Jack went to pick up his "Hot" blind date and the pharmacist.........answered the door to the girl's house!!! It seems that he was Betty Lou's Daddy! Jack and Betty Lou stayed at her house that night and played Monoply and ate popcorn all evening with her parents! Jack wanted to come home in one piece!!
A little "research makes for an interesting evening!!

What a day! Both cars are broken down! No one got enough money out of the bank to last for the week end and Bill, LLOYD,..MYSELF AND THE CATS ARE HERE SITTING AND LOOKING EACH OTHER IN THE FACE!!
ACCCK!!
I hope that we don't all drive each other crazy!!! Bill has just trned on his radio. I would play on the computer,..but it is on the fritz. I am stuck with this stupid "K" UNIT!! OH WELL!