I have just read for review..Densmore Reid Publication's newest book offering: WITH HEADS HELD HIGH by Odessa Walker Hooker. What a woman! Such strength! Such courage!!



Odessa Walker Hooker grew up in Georgia during the depression. Her parents were black southern share croppers. As a child,..she picked cotton till her fingers were bloody at times to help her parents make ends meet.



Her father worked THREE jobs to send her to college and she helped send her brothers and sisters to gp to college. She later went on to become an award winning teacher and educator in...(where else??)..Cinnciati,..Ohio! (Of course!!) And, she was the single parent of five children!! Odessa does not pull any punches about telling her story!!



Odessa iis a woman any person would be proud to count among their forebears. Many of the things that she said reminded me of what my mother told us about growing up in the south during the 1930's.



Odessa's people had dark skin. ..and light eyes,..not light skin and light eyes. I never realized what a difference that made.......until I read this book.



Yet..Odessa Walker Hooker had the strength and intelligence to survive and succeed no matter what the odds...."







.(Oh dear! I am going to do a 790 "turn!):.







Walk with me!



Talk with me!



Kneel with me!



Pray!



For your needs are my needs



For faith, hope ,and love,..



And my needs are your needs,.........



We must look above.....



The need to cause suffering,.......



The need to show hate...



Or ManKind is in for a terrible Fate!







God truly bless you,....Odessa Walker Hooker!!

All started by a woman,..who could not keep her pants on!!!

This has been a one nursing client type day!

I have not talked to the Buuzzy Bee for about two days now as I wish to give her time to recuperate from her operation!

Bill and Shawn took me out for a chinese dinner tonighr!! The sixty five year old actually went along and did not ask for french fries!!! And he ate "spring chicken with vegetables"..with the rest of us...for a change!!!!

The first chapter of the manuscript is done and now I have to wait for the "go-ahead" from Rosezelle as soon as she is feeling better!!! More comments on this later!

Accccccccc! My K-unit has gone nuts. Some of my e-mail is missing!! And I wrote a funny story for abboard and that has completely disappeared! What the heck? Bill has been working on it all day!!! I am just getting basic functions back!! What the heck is going on?

I am just about .."ready to bust a gut"...from laughing so hard! It seems that the local "mini-Mart" is about to become the local "Whinny-Mart!" To get more Amish business,.......a horsey "fill-er-up" water pump has been added..complete with water trough..right next to the gas pumps!
There are hitchin' posts down town and an Old Order Amish customer can get a ticket if his sturdy steed leaves any "Amish exhaust" on the street,.but now the fast food and gas chain has built accomadations for the owners of "equine purveyances!!!"
A buggy driver can buy a small bag of oats and use the store's "optional feeding poke".i..e...store lends out feed bags if your horsey has forgotten his own while the family shops for the 'tater chips' and other sinful goodies! Life in Avarre..has indeed gone progressive! Heh!

Bill and his dad came down on me with the news that they are glad that at least one Lexx bboard has "unofficially"...bitten the dust! "..Why?" I asked the two of them.
The sixty five year old just commented that I should be satisfied with being a nurse,..wife,..and mother.
Bill was a little more specific.
..."Because,..Mom" he said quite emphatically, "Some of those people that you were meeting online were not very nice people." This made me quite angry,.. so I yelled back at him, "Well,.you weren't very nice yourself. You get into my e-mail accounts and erase my e-mail. You went onto two diiferent Lexx fan bboards and posted stuff while you were posing as me,.and I do know that at least once that you have gone into a chatroom and gossiped about me!!"


My son looked at me and said, "Mom,..you don't know just HOW nasty some of those people are."
That's all that he would say to me,..and he had a certain look about him as if he had a specific reason for saying what he was saying.

..Tonight,..when I went into my bookmarks,..I found my bookmark to everything...that could be considered "Lexxy"..had been erased. I am not going to raise "cain" with either one of my guys about this..right now,..but I'm not going to let it go either.





Neither one of these two has to "protect" me from ANYTHING. I am a "big girl" and I can take my "own lumps!""

What really kills me is that here,..I am looked upon as a radical. Among the conservative folk,..I am too liberal!
I believe that women should have the choice as to what they do with their own bodies,...here that makes me too liberal!! I don't believe that every girl HAS to get married and reproduce yearly..like a cow. I believe in committed marriages and honoring one's husband.
I have also taken the radical stance that one should care for one's elders. This I backed up by moving in with my mother-in-law and caring for her till she past away. Oh yeah,..among the liberals,..this makes me a radical,..I'm too conservative!!!
I had befriended a gay man,..a school teacher.. For a long time,..I bought his gay papers and books for him and gave them to him when we would occasionally have coffee. He had to worry about his job,..I did not.
When my mom and husband found out that I was doing this,..I had to talk to a minister and a priest. Was I infected with my friend's horrible condition?
By talking to the man,..I was being wicked? SNNNNRRRRCK!! Just how DARK AGES..can some people be? Tolerance is a dirty word..to some folks,.I guess.

Bill and Shawn insisted on taking me out tonight for a late "Mother's Day" dinner and movie as I was so sick on Mom's Day all they could do was give me flowers and little gifts.They,..however,..did not ask me where I wanted to go for my "night out."
Amused and tired of worrying about Rosezelle,..I agreed to let them take me out...... The sixty five year old indicated that he was "too tired" to come with us. He stayed home and watched "Star Dreck."
The two boy geniuses took me to see X-Men and then,..we went to Taco Bell for supper. Wolverine,...two chalupas,..and Bill and Shawn for the evening! I have been in worse situations.
Actually,..we had a lot of fun. The only trouble was at the movie..there were no assistive listening devices and most movies are not captioned.
I told the guys that I would just watch the movie for the action scences and then,.read the fictionalized account..later. The fellows,..however,..as they had gone to see the movie last week,..sat on either side of me and told me all about it.
The guys got caught up in the movie,.but they hel0ped me over some spots. It will take time to explain this.
The main charactor was Wolverine,..(wolf-like-creature-man,..for my deaf blog readers).,..Rogue--(girl-who-sucks-out-men's-guts-when-they-try-to-kiss-her),...Jean Grey..(she-who-makes-things float), Cyclops..(atomic-bomb-in-the-brain guy with the misfortune of an explosion so bad in his head that it comes out through his eyes if he doesn't wear his sun glasses),..I'll fill my reader in later on the other name indicators.
Anyway,..a fellow,..who I will calll "looks like a black devil with a talil....appears to be trying to kill the president of the USA. He jumps around so fast that you can't see him jump and he jumps on the president in a fashion that makes it look like he is going to molest the president,..but instead "devil man" either trys to stab our national leader and misses or he was tryng just to threaten him. (Bill said that devil-man was a protester for "mutant rights.")
I don't understand just why the fellow didn't call up the newspapers and show them how well that he could jump around. He would have gotten as much publicity and would not have gotten himself in trouble!
(Bill said just to watch the movie and not try to analyze it. Shawn kept hitting himself in the forehead with the palm of his hand.)
I went back to watching the movie.

Rosezelle has had to go into the hospital. Hopefully,..she will be up and about in about two weeks and Trish will be taking over marketing. I will still be publicist and presenter for the Walking Free series of books.
..Boy,..oh boy,...has my view of of things changed in the past year and a half! I have come to an altogether new view of human nature! I know that I have become way more cynical and less idealistic about what I once so foolishly called...:the great brotherhood and sisterhood of the creative!'"
..I went up to Massillon today and thank goodness,..no incidents with the....."I demand that you sign this book or I'll rip off your shirt and sell it on e-bay!" types.
..The worst thing that has happened to Rosezelle is that she was chased around Tiimpken Mercy Hospital by a book bearing autograph seeker,..who claimed that God DEMANDED that Rosezelle sign her book. I am glad HER picture is on the book cover and not mine!!!

Just wanted to go shop in peace at the mall..tonight. That is all I wanted to do! Three high school girls came up to me with their mouths open ,...one had green spots on her teeth.

"Are you..the lady in the book?" the one with the green spots on her teeth asked me.

...Before I could answer her,..one of her companions,,,with big hair frowned at "green teeth and said, "Why are you talking to her? If she is the lady from the book, you know she can;t talk!"

...Since the young lady had decicided that I could not talk,...I shrugged my shoulders a few times at them. They shrugged their shoulders at me,..and then,..we all went in opposite directions!!!! This was all VERY weird!

I just finished another "google search" on Densmore Reid publishing! We are nigh onto fifty websites and counting. I will write more on this later!! Things are looking very good! We have just put out two more books and have two more..coming in August!!

All led by a woman, who broke the rules about women's roles!
Victoria Woodhull, one of the few women in the United States, who has run for president,...advocated Free love,..married into the British Nobility,.and made a fortune on the New York Stock Exchange..all before the turn of the 19th century into the 20th century..had her origins in Massillon,..Ohio!
..Victoria began her claim to fame by announcing to the Social Elite of Stark County,..Ohio..that she was a pyschic and a medium. She had a huge group of people..mesmerized in a local church as she told them about their dead ancesters, who were supposedly coming back to"scold and advise"..their living family members. Aristocrat after aristocrat fainted as Victoria told them the dates of their ancesters' births and deaths and gave them detailed information about their familial relationshionships.
..The young "medium" was well on her way to achieving financial success right here in Stark County..till a country hick lawyer by the name of William McKinley stood up in one of her "meetings" in a Methodist Church in Canton and told the bemused crowd that Victoria was fond of "visiting" the local cemeteries and gathering information from the family plots and tombstones.....Victoria was given a "ride on a rail" to the local railway station and was thusly thrust out of the reachs of the stiffling environment of Bimblewort country and onto the larger national scene.
..One of the results of that melodramatic moment of revelation was Stark County's gift to the world of..two presidential cantidates!! Miss Woodhull became a leader in the Women's Rights movement, ran for president and lost,..married an English Nobleman,..and later made a fortune on the New York Stock Exchange. Lawyer McKinley married Ida Saxton, the daughter of one of the richest bankers in Canton, Ohio,..ran for President and won. I wonder what would have happened to the two of them if they had elected to stay in Stark County?

Finally,..I have a few minutes to go back and edit all of those parts of my blog, that need editing!! This precious free time also means that I can write up my thoughts on women, who have changed my life after I have read their biographies! More thoughts on these ladies..later,..maybe even in a few days, if my nursing case load increases!!
All led by a woman,..who had never married!
..In the 1860's, President Mckinley's older sister, Anna McKinley, was one of the first women principals of an entire school system,..right here in Stark County, Ohio. She has been elected to the "Wall Of Fame" as an outstanding citizen of the County and State of Ohio. She was also the envy of many married women at that time as she not only earned and controled her own money,..her brother, a future president of the United States, backed her up in her independent ways!
..All of this has set me to thinking of the unmarried women in this world and the stereotype that they must put up with as being bitter and just dying for a husband!! I have three unmarried friends and all that they are dying for is more time to do all of the things that they want to do!!
Jean, one of my unmarried friends, took care of her parents all of her life in between getting one of the finest educations that anyone would ever want! She has a M.A. in Liberary science, and a Ph.D. in Rehab Services! There have been few places in this world that she has not gone and less still that she has not done. In the meantime, she has juggled more guys than I could count fingers on both hands and always has a good word to say about every one.
Trish, another single friend,..fell in love with a gay guy and he fell in love with her in his own special way. They never married, but he has lived with her at various times in his life and has helped her out more than once financially. She adopted an orphan baby girl form India,..who is now an honors student at a local Ohio college. Trish has taught school for over twenty years. All this, and she has had Multiple Sclerosis for most of her adult life. She took in her brother after his divorce when he was dying of cancer. She is a much better person that will ever be!!
Tanyia, another friend of mine, is an African American and a former army chaplin. She is an organizer of child and elder daycare and housing and all sorts of projects in the Black community. I see her once a year when we get togther for pizza and coffee and she always kids me about being with the same guy for over twenty years!! As she is still a minister in her particular faith,..I am not sure about her status with any type of male-female relationships or otherwise, but she is always seen in the company of very attractive men, both black and white, who appreciate her "own definitive style" and good looks!
..Judging from these single lady friends of mine, I would say that there are unmarried women in this world, who have definitely made their own way and are leading busy happy lives!! Not all of the women in this world have felt the need for marriage,..and still they are very singularly happy people!!

I JUST DID A GOOGLE SEARCH ON THE COMPANY AND FOUND DENSMOREID LISTED IN THIRTY WEBSITES!! THIS IS FANTASTIC!!
Gaaaaaaaaaaah!
How long till that website is...UP!????!

Yeeeaaah! WALKING FREE is now listed on the EXCITE..website-thingie in the UK under our company name of densmorereid.com in the shopping section..under....Disabilities!!
NelIie is now "walking free" on three continents!!
We have come along way and still have far to go!! The exciting thing is..."We are getting there!!"..i...e...becoming more and more successful!
I am slightly worried as to why the website is not yet up. I will call Buzzybee tonight and find out.."How long Lord? Oh how long?" (till the website is up!!)

All is quiet today. I did one of my nursing cases this morning,..a nice little old lady from Canal Fulton, who had a stroke. She whimpered when I gave her her diabetes shot in the stomach, but took everything all in good stride.
After filling her pill box for her, I was preparing to go when she caught my arm and asked me to, "Sit yerself down..a bit."
I sat with her for about five minutes and we talked about corn, and cows, and how "kids" want more out of life these days than just time off from school and farm work..to go fishing in the creek! I left her little appartment..feeling.."almighty good!"
My afternoon case was with my "post-polio syndrome" lady,..Mrs. Eighty-Seven Year Old. (I don't use personal names because of confidentiality between nurse and client.) She had lost her "Kitty-Meower!"
After listening to Mrs. Eighty-Seven Year Old's crying,..I asked her when the last time was that she had seen her little tiger kitty. We ascertained that the last time that "Kitty-Meower" had been seen by his mistress was when she was getting her jello salad with pineapple out of the refrigerator.
Sure enough,..kitty was sitting in the fridge right by the pineapple jello salad. I am really glad that the jello was covered by a glass lid. The little lady's roast beef sandwich, wrapped in foil paper,..did not survive the onslaught of a fridge chilled, hungry "Kitty-Meower."
I left a happy little old lady in her wheel chair,..her lap filled with with a fat and sassy kitty, wrapped in a bath towel, that I had warmed in the micro-wave. Such are life's small satisfactions!

Wooooooot! I might have found the person to do the illustrations for Black Heart,..... If..(BIG IF)... Rosezelle decides to do line drawings instead of paintings or computer generated stuff!!! I wish that she would make up her mind.
This artist is a "teener," who does the sort of simple line drawings, that would be perfect for the type of dreamlike atmosphere that The Black Heart Book will need. The misty Kentucky Mountains of the 1880's and 1890's is a time as far removed from today and our frenetic way of life as my little village of Avarre is distant from new York City!
I am laughing at myself.
When I first saw the young lady's drawings, I pictured a young lady in long light sky blue skirts, neat braids, and perhaps Old Order! Surely,..the artist, who could produce such serenity and actually get it..."RIGHT,"....on paper, came from a conservative background!!
Imagine my surprise to met a young woman with a butch haircut, dyed green,..a nose ring attached by a chain to ears with six piecings and a tongue ring, that goes, "Clink! Clink! Clink!" against her teeth!
When she met me, she had on combat boots, that reached over her ankles, purple jeans and an orange blouse! One look, and I was ready for loud boisterous demands of how much that she was to be paid and was the book, being written,"..worthy of her great talent?"
I was surprised...almost into shock,..when she said,"...Oh! Hello! Do you really want to have a look at my drawings? I take it as a complement that you even came to look at them! Thank you so much for coming!"
Imagine my greater surprise, when she pulled up a chair with a friendly grin, and laughed, and asked me, "Are you sure that you want to use my drawings in your book? I don't have much experience, but I think that it would be nice to have my drawings published!"
I had to explain to the young lady, that the drawings that were on display in the art room of her high school, were not the ones, that we would want for the book, but the style and grace of her artwork was of the type, that would fit into the atmosphere of the book, that was being written.
She and I talked together at her "showing,"..high school style "showing" for a good hour. I heard no demands, no cussing, no complaining. She was perfectly willing to accept the fact that even though I liked her work, that I am not the person, who will choose what goes into the Black Heart Book. And she was very nice!!
I must definitely have this young lady to lunch to meet on a social level with Buzzy and the Rev. First,..however, I must show her pictures to the Buzzer!

..We got the grant money by special delivery yesterday....a nice Mom's Day gift for me!! It came in a check in the middle of a roast beef dinner, cooked for me by my husband. It is nice to be pampered for a change!!
...Bill eyed the envelope and asked me if I would need any help cashing the check or spending the money! He, then,..grinned and I knew that he was kidding me. He gave me carnations and a lovely jewlery box for Mother's Day!! I still will not pay his college tuition for his next semester!!
The grant money means that the search for the artist for the BLACK HEART BOOK...can continue and that the person who gets the work can be paid decently!! Having a wealthy relative is a very good thing!!
I have to call Rosezelle this morning about the work on the new website for WALKING FREE. I think that having it animated is a waste of time,..but the young man,..who is doing the work on it is very talented, and I hope to see some good results on it within the week,...please God,...yes!!
....After my online experiences with "prima donnas,"....I will only be to glad to help this young fellow go onto school . I got a beautiful letter from Docter Bruin, chairman of Social Work Studies at Wright State,..that thanked us for being the keynote speakers on April 11!!
I guess that Rosezelle has been named their "Social Work Alumni of the Year 2003 and will recieve an award for writing WALKING FREE. On April 26th 2003, she was named "Liberal Arts Alumna" from Wright Srate...just because of WALKING FREE! We should get some good newspaper articles out of this.
I,...however,..refuse to go to any more book parties or banquets with Rosezelle,..who is indeed now,..a 'BUSY BEE!" THEY MIGHT TRY TO FEED ME THAT BELUGA CAVIER FISH EGG STUFF AGAIN!!! Or those boiled pine cones,.called artychokes.........bluuuuuurrrrt! Horrible stuff!!
..I feel very gratified,..indeed,..knowing that something that Nellie and I did so long ago could give such honors to a good friend as Rosezelle. This is the sort of thing, happening,..that justifies human existense and balances out some of the "crappy things,..done by crappy people,.".in this world."

Cats got into a fight at four am this morning outside on the row of garbage cans in back of our garage, Such yowling,..hissing, and noise!
Out of the middle of a ball of about six mad tommies flew my big black Baxter cat when I opened the door of the kitchen and called for him!! HE wanted no more of the fighting. The other cats wanted to demolish him.
Poor tom cat! A tom cat can't even sit out in his own backyard and yowl in peace,,anymore!
Heh! I guess,,that I became his shelter in the time of storm!"

All led by a woman,..who has never had children!
..Sharon Lane was the first woman in Stark County to die as a victim of combat wounds during the Vietnam era. She is a Great Heroine to all Stark Countians. Sharon never married or had children.
.. Despite local prejudice against unmarried woman by a certain local religious element,..say the name..Sharon Lane to those "religious individuals," who have a bone to pick with"nervous, timerous, frustrated,..bitter, unmarried,...childless women," and you will find the subject of "unmarried women, who should be married even if it is against their wills"....suddenly change to "Liberty, Honor,..and Patriotism!"
..Do these conservative individuals ever stop to notice that the particular soldier, to whose memory they are practically saying the pledge of allegiance,..was an UNMARRIED female soldier?

I puked! I actually puked. I threw up everything in my guts and went back and threw up again till the stuff that was coming out of my stomach was bloody. I am sure that I have some sort of food poisoning.
(After the original version of this blog was written,..I found out that the whole family was suffering the effects of some very bad chicken soup that my sister-in-law had made about a week before. My one sister-in-law, who has breast cancer, had to go to the emergency room, where the "bug," camphalo-bacter,..a type of bacteria, which grows on chicken, which has not been refrigerated long enough!!" Not even the five cats would touch the soup after our local doctor pin-pointed it as the "probable cause," of an inglorious Mother's Day Weekend!!)

These are the people,..who passed judgement not just on me, but a whole group of others? I am very blunt and open about myself. This is much,..much more than I expected. I only had one child. I have failed in attempt after unsuccessful attempt to reproduce a brother or sister for my one son.
"The Anti-Abortion-Birth-Encouragement" Group, who sits outside of the local planned parenthood in Canton,..Ohio and whose members are JUST SO FOND of casting condescending and condemnatory looks on we,..women with only one child or childless couples,..has just found out that their new PRESIDENT....is on a list of women,..her name is on a list of women, who have gone to ----------Clinic in Cleveland....because SHE WAS SEEKING AN ABORTION!!!
(If I had seven children,..I don't know what I would do,..but I WOULD BE TEMPTED in her present position....with an eighth child on the way!!)!

..And no,..never,..let's not forget the stories! Gottermarrundang! Und certainly...not unvergessen!!!! What would the world be like without the busy tongues of those, who never saw what happened, but their opinions make them experts on subjects, that they love to talk about even though they weren't there when "it' happened! (Length of sentence is my form of sarcasm!)
...Mrs. Mose Troyer had the misfortune of being elected of our local antiabortion society. She has two children,..under the age of three,..and one baby in a cart,..carriage for "non-residents of our noble village," and four more, all under the age of twelve.
..By the time the local gossips get through with this poor lady,..everyone will be saying that she is a "woman, who sleeps around for a living,"..that all of her children will have different fathers, and her husband will be a poker card-playing, beer drinking drunker, who hangs out in the bars in Massillon, Ohio and does not come home till after eleven o'clock at night!!
None of this will be true,..mind you, but it will give so many of my neighbors so much wonderful stuff to talk about!!
...Heh! All one must do is be accused of doing something, and in a bigot's mind,..guilt is not just assumed, but confirmed!!
Gossip is "SUCH" A wonderful thing!!

Divorcees,;..spousal abuse,;..gays,;..different forms of "very interesting" personal acting out...sexual and otherwise;...a web page, devoted to how-to-make-naked-kai-clones..on hobby horses,...artists???????,..
..marathon running,..
And let's not foget the stories!!! Those masterpieces....het/slash fiction,..and things, that make anything, that I've ever written look oooooo-sooo-tame!!!!!!!!

The name, "Stanelle,"...means nothing to the average American reader. Perhaps,..it's better that way.

Quote from English song by Peter,..Paul,..and Mary:
".....They never knew just what it was and I guess they never will!"
...The results from my second search should be in soon. The first was very interesting...a webpage devoted to nude clay Kai-clones? Different businesses run by web?

Again,..in this blog,...ideas are popping up left and right in my head,..I am writing down the basic ideas and then,.will go back and fill in those ideas..given the time and the opportunity. I can also check on some references from the notes in abnormal psychology class from last semester...this is going to be a good source of input for another manuscrpt..the actual acting out of "certain types" of behavioral specifics in real life!!!....

I went back and looked at the theme of "inflicting pain on others,'" which runs through the "clone ranger" fictions. I, also,..checked out the ideas of sado-masachism,..that Dr. Hostetler talked about in my recent abnormal pyschology course. The correlation, between the urge to write out such fantasies and to act them out, is very high indeed.
..Dr. Hostetler puts such "pain-inflicting" urges in the same catagory as the acting out that serial killers do when they torture small animals,..according to my notes from the doc's class,..one and the same thing!!! I have the psychology book right here in front of me.
..Gaaads! When I have asked this PhD, who has helped with many criminal cases here in Stark county,..just what he thinks the ratio is between acting out "torture-murder" scenarios and writing about them,..I will seek a means of......(finish this line of thought tomorrow...and start a new idea...)
..According to the Doc,..whose credentials include criminal psychology,..the blunting of one's own emotions to the point that detailed expession can be made as to the happenings in such stories...(again..have to go will finish this line of thought later,. as I have more new ideas to put down and limited time!!!!)

There is a certain sadistic joy,..which is a in a direct proportion to the pain inflicted on others . The "people, who were left behind " in the recent exodus from the bboard of the "clone rangers" are indeed a source of pleasure to the fleeing clone rangers. The more pain expressed by those "left behind," the bigger high prvided for those, who did the excluding

There are some things and some types of people,...who wil never change. Recently,..I have been thinking about what I went through with Nellie and just now realizing that some of the things that I learned then,...still apply and that some things never change because it is to the advantage of those,..who like the way that things are,...for thing never to change.....

...Heh! I am really excited about the new website. It will be up soon and it was done by a person, whose viewpoints are not dictated by that person's ability to exclude others. People, who don't judge others by the way that they express themselves or by other limiting factors,..like green backs just as well as those, who feel their Holy Presence is necessary for the existance of anything fun or exciting!!
...I thought that by exploring the internet and hooking up with a community full of talented writers and folks that "did' websites,..that I would meet up with a group, who could create new things and ideas without prejudice. There were some nice people there, and some, who could lead others around by the nose!!
...So,..I tried to take a middle ground,..it didn't work. I would have had to worship at the feet of one "self-made" Saint or the other,..not so "saintly." in the name of a TV show, that I thought represented freedom, choices, and a sort of "Equal Access."
...Perhaps I didn't have the "proper fourmula" down..to fit into the "community of saints," but I was even more repulsed by the actions of some of the "saints" towards those that they considered "sinners!" The sinners...considered me a "half-baked" saint or a fool, and the "saints," considered me a "total sinner!"
...After spinning around for a while in a sort of"nowhere's ville,"...I decided that BuzzyBee has been right all along....when I stepped into that little writing community, that those people accidently created on that bboard,.....I did not have enough experience with the way that certain types of people,..actually think. I used my own points of reference to certain actions and types of humor and tried to foist it off on a group of people, who couldn't even began to comprehend exactly what I was talking about,..or simply didn't want to relate to what I was trying to say to them!! Only one person was willing to even listen to what I was trying to say or believed what I was telling her..and I hope that we don't lose her and one or two other talented people.
...Each new book by Densmoreid will need artists and writers and creators of websites. I won't find them among the particular group of people, amongst whom I was looking. We have a new website going up,..and it was done by a local college student, who can use the money and from what I hear,..he is doing a fantastic job on the site..www.thenelliebook.com. He is scheduled to have the site up in three days and I can hardly wait to see it!!
..And, hopefully,..there will be more to come for each book,..that our growing company puts out! Our little green dollar bills will be appreciated by others,..who are not among the "saints" and the "sinners" of that bboard! The "sinners" have gotten themselves into some sort of trouble,..and the "saints" have moved onto their own little version of "heaven!"
..Yesterday,..I suddenly realized that I am going to have to follow the fourmula patterns for finding new people and that new folks are out there, but that I must not be afraid to seek those "new talents" out by other venues. I talked to two hundred children yesterday, whose minds were not hampered by frozen old ideas,..I had the chance to educate two hundred young minds,..and by the time that BuzzyBee and I were done speaking,..we had those children and their teachers looking at"disabilities" in a whole new light!!
...Students are people,..too!

Amanda Cunningham was a young woman from Massillon,..Ohio, who was killed the other day in an automobile accident. She was only twenty three years old,..but in her lifetime...she did something that so few young people do today. She did not merely "exist,"...she LIVED!
I will elaborate more on her and the way that she lived later,...but like "Aunt Mary,"..a little old lady,..whom I blogged on earlier,....Amanda...truly.....LIVED!!!

I suppose that I should be getting back to my housework and trying to take care of emptying the trash and scrubbing the floor and doing all of the things that good big fat mamas do when they are trying to be good house wives and mothers,..but I cannot seem to be able to do that!! I am much too excited after giving a book talk,..this afternoon!
I just spoke to two hundred kids, ages eleven and twelve years old,..at St. James and St. Philip's School in Canal Fulton,..Ohio. They were so thrilled with the Nellie story, that even after they heard BuzzyBee and myself talking about the book,..they still asked us questions for an hour after the program!! I ran through the manual alphabet so many times that my knuckles are starting to crack from it!!
Then,..one of the children asked if the deaf could sing songs in sign language and I signed a song for the students!! So another child asked if I could sign the song and sing the song with my voice at the same time!! After less than one verse of me singing the song, the sight of over a hundred children, covering their ears and sticking their fingers in their ears..was enough to make even me stop singing with my voice. Even I could hear the dog, that a little girl had bought to school for show and tell in the next class room,...poor poochie was howling!!
A little girl asked me, "Why do you have such a beautiful speaking voice and such a perfectly horrible singing voice?" All I could answer her was, "I dunno!"
And I really don't know why I can speak well but my singing sounds so bad that after hearing me sing,..I can say,..."I never met a dog, who did not howl!!"

This, too,..is for the "pinheads."
Their little version of the world is all they want,..their little cliques,..their little wholeness.

CUNNINGHAM,.....I FINALLY UNDERSTAND!

"Far away in the sunshine..are my highest asperations.
I may not reach them
But I can look up and see their beauty,
Believe in them,
And try to follow where they lead.
Each of us has a different talent,
Different dreams,
And a different destination,....
Yet we all have the power to make a new tomorrow!"


To HELL with goth,..to HELL with "square,"..to HELL with..."Because I am able to shit on you at this moment,..because I am able to do it!!"
How about about leading better lives with the idea of a better future for everyone?

This is for certain pinheads. The Silver Fox is not the lady, known as Maya. The Silver Fox is my first cousin, and I will make no apologies for her. She has had problems since she was a little girl. She was asaulted and cannot help herself.
Just got finished reading a biography..that I stayed up and read last night,...like the protagonist of the biography,...I am going to "try a little harder in my own life!" I cannot get inside other people's heads and make them see what I see, but I can speak out and try to tell others what not just happens to me, but to other folks..with disabilities.
Sometimes,..I wonder,..however. I feel that I am fairly reasonable about life, and I seek out others..with the sense that I don't have sometimes and get them to help me make sense of it. What happens when the person, who is explaining "reality" says that the actions of the so-called non-disabled...are "senseless?"
Like my deaf-blind friend said when she was denied acccess to use the ladies' room in a church where she was paid to be the evening's speaker,.."There are some folk's standards..that you will never be able to meet,...but would you really want to make yourself..stoop that low?"

























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I am going to try and blog a little everyday. I have it worse than I thought..man!!!!!!! I am setting a new vegging record...just sat around and ate most of the day!!!!
I must subconsiously have hated going to school with such a passion, that I never even realized it. No way do I want to go back to any sort of classes right now!! i have developed an allergy to college!!
I have one more final exam, but I am not going anywhere in the car,..anywhere on horse back,..or anywhere in a buggy. I am limiting my traveling to places that I can walk to today and tomorrow. My mind and body are both tired and I have a LOT of work to get done tomorrow...I'm not even editing my blog just writing it out as it comes out of my head.
I am going to have to pull apart some "piece work"..some tatting. I never knew it was an "art form!" Next someone will be telling me that making quilts is an "art form,"..too!

I spent the day at home today. When I went into the Massillon McDonald's........the other day,..the clerk wanted to..."buy a Nellie Book" from me.
"YOU ARE EMILY HENSEL..I JUST KNOW IT! I SIMPLY MUST HAVE ONE OF YOUR BOOKS!!" she kept insisting as I kept trying to steer her back to her job of selling me a double cheeseburg meal!!!
Finally,..I got tired of arguing with her and opened my old nylon jacket and showed her my old "hooters tee shirt and my really dirty, crusty old jeans."
"Do I look look I could have written a book?" I asked her beseechingly,.."Please just sell me my double cheeseburg meal and forget the damn book."
My ploy worked until the manager recognized ne. The manager BROUGHT OUT A COPY OF THE BOOK AND I HAD TO SIGN IT RIGHT THEN AND THERE!!!
I COULD NOT EAT IN THE MCCY D'S BUT HAD MY FOOD PUT IN A BAG AND TOOK IT HOME TO EAT! THIS TYPE OF THING IS GETTING TO BE A PAIN IN THE DERRIER!

I had another experience with three so-called fans the other day. Two men and a woman,..chased me sort of through Canton Center Mall. They kept following me and following me. I finally got a mall security guard guard to see if he could get their attention long enough to ask them why they were following me.

BAAAAAAAAAD MOOOVE!!!

The security guard had read WALKING FREE!!!!! He wanted my autograph..tooo!

I got some excellent still photo shots on the book tour in South Western Ohio. These are the shots that I have been submitting to the newspapers and two of them have been published with my stories under the "Anne Street" name. Anne Street is an excellent pen name and I intend to keep using to keep using it to keep my privacy.
Rosezelle was very pleased with that tour and is talking about some book signings and visiting some college classes this summer!! I would just like to sell the durn book to a bigger publishing company...(I need more royalties..easy money!!!!)

Some part of me has shut down as far as schoolwork goes!!!!! AcccccccK! I just can't seem to make myself study or write essays!!! Some part of my brain is stalling like the engine of a car.......as far as doing school work,..writing letters,..or even writing stories!!!! It's horrible!!!!!!!
All I want to do is sit and "veg" out! I did a little "piece Work"...whie I was veging and made up and wrote down a new cookie reciept...so some of the veging time was not..WASTED!!!!

Good news on the publicity front.......I have two excellent..small but excellent news stories about WALKING FREE,.....published in two small local papers!!! One story has a front page picture of me as a lead in and then...another picture,..that I took as a publicity photo on the book tour! I still have to finish my two book reviews to write and submit to the local papers!!.

Silver Fox is on her Merry Way once more. Maybe,..I'll never see her again. Like someone e-mailed me the other day,..she will be back in the future like the next cycle of time!!!

Back to my musings on hatred and human nature. It seems to me that some folks think that it is ol to do anything that they want to do because they are the people,..wo are committing a certan act or action!! Is this what is meant by "power makes right?'

Another thing about hatred...has come into my mind. A friend of mine wrote and told me that someone had hacked into her yahoo.com e-mail. That was a cruel act. It was a hate-filled act as this person I bearly know, but what I know of her she is a good person and has always tried to be nice and helpful to me!! She has never harmed me and has often written me and tried to help me understand the actions of other over the net..just a little bit more. Why would someone want to do something to her that is obviously so mean and hurtful? Perhaps she disagreed with someone,.."who likes salt and pepper on their scrambled eggs rather than ketchup!!" That seems like a silly analogy but it is just as silly as far as I am concern as the folks, who decide that they don't like each other over the net ..if they don't like the way another person writes a story,..or they don't agree with what another person says,..or they try to put others in "their place" bbecause they feel themselves to be self-appointed moderators of certain websites or certain groups. I am certainly no saint,..myself,..but all this sure sets me to wondering about human nature!!

Hate is an interesting subject. How do we really decide just who it is that we are going to hate? Do we decide to hate people, who have just disagreed with us? Do we decide to hate people, who have disagreed with us and proven us wrong? Do we, as individuals,..decide to hate everyone with a different life style than our own? Do we decide to hate people, who like ketchup on their scrambled eggs rather than just salt and paper? What is it that makes some people hate others so much?
..I was driving along the other day,..looking at the cultural phenomena now known as gated communities. These communities are of a "certain class of people," who feel the need to set themselves aside from others and live with other people of a certain socio-economic level. Bill and Shawn and I were just driving around yodeling out silly songs that the guys had heard on the radio and the two of them were trying to teach me how to sing such pieces of music. We drove past several gated communites.
..Shawn turned to me and asked me why I thought that people tried to lock the world out in such a fashion. Something clicked in my head and I turned to him and said, "Shawn,..you should be glad that those folks are..."locking themselves away from the rest of us!!" We don't have to put up with their idiosyncricies and the type of thinking that makes them want to be apart from everyone else!! I want you to grow up and be the kind of fellow, who can get along with everyone and not just those,..who have a certain income!!"
..Another lady from our church says that "gated communities" are asylums for the rich!! The funny thing is that she and her husband own about one fourth of Stark County and she,..herself,.. probably has more money than all of the folks,..put together,.. in the gated community that we were speaking of!! She is a good friend of mine and that is another story that I won't go into today as I have to go to a class,..right now!!

..I went back to Bill's old e-mailbox to empty it out and found and reread some of the letters that he recieved there. Two letters keep catching my eyes. Two preachy self-rightious letters from two people, who have never walked a mile in my shoes..or, I feel,..in anyone elses' shoes. That is the way that their letters sound. For two people, who were so quick to condemn me without proof and announce their assumptions to the whole world,..they were deadly quiet when Bill proved himself to be the one in the wrong.
..Heh! I might not be out of the line of fire just yet!! Bill and Shawn are back online! Our home systems went back up the other day!! Suppose someone else out "there' sounds the way I do when I write..or even happens to write something that my two "hate letter ladies" dislike,..will I be again condemned because someone else "sounds like me?"
..I wonder how the two "Letter-writers-with-the-mission-of-trying-to-find-guilt-via-accusation" would deal with someone like the Silver Fox? Would they be the first two to run the Fox out of town on a rail after they had the obligatory tarring and feathering party for her? Is their leadership of their little group based on their ability to lead lynching parties? Who knows? Who cares? The whole episode would look very good in print........in my next book.
..Do these two "writers of letters of condemnation without any proof of guilt of the accused" ever consider what their letters would sound like if read by the rest of the folks on ANY bboard? Are they determined to go about condemning other people or trying to hurt other people for their own pleasure? I hope not.
..The reason that I haven't gotten into some of the trouble that the Silver Fox has gotten into is because of the things I have seen Miss Foxxy do and because of some of the mistakes that I have seen Miss Foxy make. This poor friend of mine has provided me with a roadmap of all the ways that one can mess up one's life. The mistakes I have seen the Silver Fox make in her lifetime..are the mistakes that I have tried to avoid making within my own life.
..I do plead guilty of being Miss Silver Foxe's friend, and I do plead guilty of pulling the Foxe's ass out of the fire more than once becuase I was always convinced that she was "really going to straighten herself out this time",..i..e.."Nooooooo, Stannie,..I'll never do that AGAIN! NO! NO! NO,..I WON'T I'LL NEVER TRY THAT SORT OF DANGEROUS PRANK,..ESCAPADE,...DRUG,....man with a charactor flaw.,........whatever.........AGAIN!!"
..Unfortunately, everytime she heads back in my direction,..she has messed herself up again..Only now,..she doen't ask me for help any more.
I wonder if I should feel relieved?

Silver Fox has gone back to where ever she usually hangs out! I smiled and waved as she went. That lady is trouble for whomever she takes up with.
If she wanted to be happily married,..she should have not actively gone out and chased other guys. She should have behaved herself!! I like pretty guys,..too, but I limit myself to watching a funny weird scifi TV show and a few other "hunk" programs and keep my fantasy life to myself! She said to me, "You'll never have any fun!! You limit yourself too much!!"
Haaaaaaaa!
Does Mrs. Hotpants ever consider the people that her playing around affects? Does the fact that she is playing around with other people's lives..ever really sink into her self-indulgent little cranium? Did she ever consider herself lucky because I am one of the few people in her life that she can come to and ask for help,..and I will help her? Has she ever asked herself just why so many folks have bowed out of her life? I doubt it.
This has gone on for over twenty years. I would not call myself an "enabler,"....she is not around me enough to have me "enable" her to do anything!! I'm sorry for her and I certainly don't envy her. And of all people, I should not condemn her. I do not condemn her,..I only for her sake,..ask,.."Why God? Why?"
I married conservative and I've followed that path. She is going on her third husband in the same period of time that I have been married to one. I just hope that an STD is not in her future.
Whooooooweeee!
I am glad that my life is.."not as exciting as her's!!" She is definitely going to figure..in my next book!!
Funny! I am the one, who is supposed to have the disabilities. If that is "normal," I don't want to be normal!